June 29, 2008

I know people are anxious for updates and it is hard for my family to find the time to take care of the family, me, and keep up on updates so I thought I would take that job over a bit.
I am doing good. I go in for my 5th chemo in the morning. I am just so excited for that :) But number 5 is only 1 away from number 6 and number 6 means half way done!!! And that is something to be excited about!!! :)
Although my hair had not completely fallen out I decided it looked pathetic enough to take initiative so last sunday my Mom, Dad, Garrett, and I shaved my head. And I have to say a bald head is the best kept secret in the female world!!! :) And here are some of the reasons why:
1. It is SO much cooler
2. My showers take just a few minutes (yes even for me)
3. The breeze feels very nice
4. Hair doing time has decreased to about 5 seconds
5. I have a birth mark on my head I had never seen before
6. I can now rub my own head for good luck :)

It is still sinking in. I forget that I am bald as I walk around and then I will walk by a mirror and have a moment of shock. If I go out I usually wear a scarf or my wig so that is good.

I was suppose to have a PET scan this week to see if the chemo is working. That is a test where they shoot radioactive sugar into your body and then wait a few minutes. Then take a scan of your entire body. The cancer is greedy and will eat the sugar before anything else can so the spots with cancer will glow. I took one before I started and then this will show hopefully that it is decreasing. The nurse who was suppose to set up the PET scan took her time in getting the clearance from the insurance so it did not happen this week and next week I will be too sick from the chemo so hopefully in 2 weeks. The doctor says that it should be mostly gone and he thinks from other signs that that should be the case for me. If by some rarity it is not the case, then I will need a bone marrow transplant. Since it is only in one area however, I should be able to transplant bone marrow from myself if the need arises. But the odds are good the chemo is woking and all is going according to plan.

Many people ask how the chemo is affecting me so here is my week in a nutchell:

Monday: Get the chemo, I feel fine for a few hours then start to feel off. That is when I take my medicine which helps a lot! A bit after this I will start to feel sick.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday: are the hardest days physically. I am sick and very tired on these days. But the meds help soooo much!!

Thursday and Friday: I ama usually starting to feel a bit better by these days. I am still very tired though. We have found that these are the hardest days emotionally. My mind returns to normal and is constantly on but my body is still wasted. They are not unbearable days but if I am going to get sad, it usually happens on these days.

Saturday: Is my first day of feeling ok. I can usually eat some real food by now and do a few things around the house.

Sunday: I am feeling much better and usually am not taking any medicine by now. I usually make it to church but on this Sunday I rarely make all 3 hours. I do my best though!

Monday: Is my mental breakthrough! Even if I am not feeling better I tell myself I am and that usually works! :) I am determined to have a full "good week" every week and that means Monday is a good day!

From then on it just gets better. I am very tired and my lack of exercise has reduced my muscles to a memory but they will come back. I am very grateful for what I can do! Some people can't get out of bed the whole time! That would be aweful!!

So long story short things are as good as they can be. I do not like this cancer but I am grateful for the opportunities it is giving me and the people it is helping me to meet. I have made so many new friends and strengthened so many old friendships. The love and support and outpouring of love has been truly overwhelming! It is working!!! Please don't stop!!!!! There are many hard days with this cancer but there are more great people! On days when I don't have enough to get through it, there is always someone there who does. It has been a truly remarkable experience.

I had a thought the other day as I was thinking about the difficulty of this trial I have been given that really has helped me through some hard times. I realized that in the preexistance I knew I would be given this cancer. I knew where I would be in life when it hit and the challenges that the cancer would bring even other than the disease itself. And even after all this knowledge. I said yes anyway. I knew I could handle it then because I knew I wouldn't be handeling it alone. And I am not! And for that I am eternally grateful to my heavenly father, family, friends, and even previous strangers who are helping me along the way. I have realized the importance of reaching out to everyone because you never know what another person is going through. I have learned the power that comes through thinking of others first, even to the point that I have been able to have moments when I forget that I have cancer. I cannot tell you what a blessing those moments are!!!

So thank you for everything you are doing for me and my family. It is all appreciated and all needed!!! I am doing great! My family is sticking it out with me, and only 3.5 months to go!!!